


Coming Out Is The Hard Part (Until It Isn't)

by syriala



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 16:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12391626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/pseuds/syriala
Summary: When Tony Stark brings Sam the wings for the first time, he knows that this could go somewhere. If he could just bring himself to ask.





	Coming Out Is The Hard Part (Until It Isn't)

It is Tony Stark who brings in the wings that first day, and since then no one else is allowed to do repairs on them. Stark claims they are his, so he does all the work.

Sam has been inclined to be annoyed by that, there are stories about Stark after all, and how is he even going to keep up with their wings when he is always busy drinking and sleeping around, but after the second time Tony has been in to do some adjustments right on schedule Sam has already changed his opinion of Tony and now he is actually looking forward to his visits.

Tony is easy to be around, funny and never shy for an answer, and Sam enjoys his time with Tony immensely. He is pretty sure there is more than a little bit of flirting going on too, but it is Tony Stark and who is he kidding.

Things like this never work out for Sam, not when a genius billionaire is involved and especially not when he tells his possible partners that he will not have sex with them. Especially a genius billionaire playboy won’t be amused by that. Sam knows the drill after all.

But flirting with Tony is easy, and more fun than anything else, and after a few rough missions his visits become the highlights of Sam’s months.

Sam really doesn’t think that it all is going somewhere, how can it after all, he is way out of Tony’s league, but he has to reevaluate that when he gets cornered by Colonel Rhodes himself.

“So, you are the pararescue man I hear so much about,” he starts the conversation and Sam stands a little bit straighter.

Sam is pretty sure that his superiors didn’t talk to Rhodes about him, so he is admittedly lost as to who is talking about him, but Rhodes clears it up when he says, “Tony seems really impressed by you.”

“It really should be the other way around,” Sam manages, because holy shit, Tony Stark has been talking about him.

“He is my best friend and I tell you right now, he doesn’t talk like that about people often,” Rhodes almost muses and Sam swallows.

It seems like the flirting hasn’t been one sided then. It makes him just a little bit light headed.

Sam’s heart beats a little bit faster with that knowledge too and he thinks that this might be the sign he begged for that it’s okay to ask Tony out. That maybe this time it will end well for him.

“Sir?” he asks instead of voicing his happiness, but Rhodes just levels him with a look.

“Things can get really unpleasant for you, if you mess this up,” he lowly says and clasps a hand to Sam’s shoulder and pulls him almost into a hug.

“Understood,” Sam manages and then Rhodey is already walking away.

Sam is aware that this was some version of a shovel talk and since Rhodes didn’t immediately bury him somewhere in the desert, he figures he most likely has his approval. The approval to ask Tony out on a date. Sam needs a day to get that into his head.

But after that day he decides: next time Sam sees Tony he is going to ask him out. Right after he confesses that he is not going to have sex with Tony.

It’s the ace part that stops Sam in the end.

He knows how he’s going to handle the actual asking out part, but he never managed to find a good way to come out to people he likes, people he wants to not be bothered by it, and so he just never did. And so he also just doesn’t with Tony either.

But he promised himself that he would do both or nothing and since he can’t seem to find his voice when it comes to the actual coming out part, he just drops it. He flirts with Tony like usual, and it’s good, it’s perfect even, pickup lines flying left and right, innuendoes making him blush so hard he’s just thankful it doesn’t show on his face, and Sam figures maybe it’s better if they don’t see where this is going. If they just keep enjoying this.

After Tony leaves with yet another blown kiss in his direction, Sam mentally kicks himself. Tony is clearly interested, if even his best friend already came to find Sam and Sam will just have to man up for this.

Next time, he promises himself.

But the next time is right after Tony comes back from Afghanistan, still pale and twitchy, and Sam can’t do it again. He was so worried about Tony, lying awake most nights, praying that Colonel Rhodes was allowed to go on, that he would find something, after Sam’s own offer for help was so rudely dismissed and Sam is too relieved to see Tony again to actually do something.

Tony flirts with him like he usually does and it’s good, it’s great, Sam missed him so much, he is so relieved that Tony is still alive and that has to be enough for now.

And then it’s revealed that Tony is Iron Man and Sam makes a joke about Tony’s love for robots once or twice the next time Tony is there but he doesn’t take this chance either.

Because it’s clear in the way Tony holds himself that the last thing he needs right now is someone asking for a relationship and so Sam just doesn’t. Yet again.

He keeps telling himself that he is just giving Tony a little bit space, let him heal and come back from what he went through, let him get settled into being Iron Man, before he asks, but the next time he sees Tony he knows that he lost his chance, that he found one too many excuses.

Tony is cold and brash, not joking or flirting with Sam at all, and Sam’s heart is heavy with regret.

“What’s wrong?” he asks when Tony didn’t even look at him through the whole checkup. He doesn’t expect Tony to laugh right in his face.

“What’s wrong, he asks,” Tony almost mutters to himself before he finally turns to Sam.

He looks sick; pale and sweaty and Sam wants to do nothing more than hug him.

“What, you thought I was going to fall in love with you?” Tony sneers at him. “You’re just a soldier; what could you possibly offer to me,” Tony says and Sam is still with shock.

He didn’t see this coming at all, didn’t think that this was just some game for Tony, but apparently, he had been wrong, and it hurts.

“I don’t know what I thought,” Sam murmurs, because it’s true. He didn’t know what he was thinking, believing that Tony could fall in love with him.

“Just a stupid soldier, like I thought,” Tony gives back and it’s only because he is already walking away from Sam that he doesn’t see the full body flinch his words cause.

Sam doesn’t sleep too well; he keeps wondering if he had asked earlier, if that would have made a difference, if he would get to have this now, or if it would have ended in even more pain because he knew what it was like to be with Tony and then lose it all.

He keeps forgetting about his personal misery for a second when they are all called into a meeting the next day.

“Your program is going to be shut down,” they are told and Sam feels like the floor has been ripped out from under him.

First the thing with Tony and now this.

Sam can’t help but wonder if it’s because of him, somehow, that Tony doesn’t want to be in his proximity anymore, but like Tony said. He is just a stupid soldier. Nothing the great Tony Stark, a superhero and genius, couldn’t handle.

Sam tries to get in touch with Rhodes, to find out what happened, but he has no luck on that front.

The next time he hears of Tony Stark he is in Monaco, attacked by some lunatic with whips. The next time he sees Colonel Rhodes he has his own suit, War Machine they call it, and no word of Tony.

Tony nearly dies, leaving Sam breathless and on the verge of panic in front of a TV, and then he nearly dies again, before he blows up all his suits, which Sam watches with his hands clasped tightly together. If he had to blow up his wings….he didn’t know if he could do it. And yet still Tony is not coming back to work on the pararescue program, which is still running, despite earlier warnings.

Sam tries to forget about him, tries not to think about what they maybe almost had, but it’s hard. Harder than it should be. Losing Riley, finally stepping down and then meeting Captain America doesn’t make it any easier.

It’s only after Ultron and Sokovia that he meets Tony again and Sam thought he was over this; he worked so hard on himself, he changed so much, but it’s the same familiar ache in his chest than that day Tony told him what he really thought about him.

Tony behaves like he doesn’t even know him, like they didn’t spend hours and hours working on the wings, flirting and talking, and when he asks Rhodey about it, all he gets is half a shrug and a regretful “I don’t know”.

It takes three weeks for Sam to be finally fed up with this.

He wouldn’t say he corners Tony, but he does wait for when he is on his way to his personal floor and he was maybe waiting around for him just in front of the door.

“What do you want?” Tony asks and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“To talk,” Sam says and tries to keep his calm.

“I don’t think there is anything to talk about,” Tony tells him and tries to push right past him.

“I think there is,” Sam gives back and he doesn’t push Tony back but he also doesn’t step to the side.

“Are you going to let me into my room?” Tony asks and Sam shakes his head.

“Not before we cleared this up,” he decides and Tony deflates at that.

“Fine. What?” he snarls at Sam and he looks like he wants to be anywhere but here.

“What happened?”

“In general? Because a lot of things happened. Do you want me to start with evolution or is there a specific time frame you are referring to?” Tony snarks at him and Sam sighs, but he won’t budge.

“I mean us,” Sam spells out for Tony. “What happened with us?”

“There never has been an us,” Tony answers, almost convincing Sam that he means it, if it wasn’t for the slightly painful tug on his mouth.

“But there could have been. Don’t deny this. Your flirting was just as serious as mine, right until you stopped. And I don’t believe for a second that it’s because I am ‘just a stupid soldier’.”

Sam throws the words back at Tony but he can’t find any satisfaction in the flinch he gets out of him like that.

“So what happened?” Sam asks again when Tony stays silent for too long and finally Tony moves towards his door.

Sam is already about to step in his way when Tony mumbles “Why don’t you come inside for this?”

He lets Tony pass, though more out of confusion than anything else because this doesn’t feel like rejection. At all.

When they are inside, Sam decides to keep standing, not willing to let his guard down because you never know with Tony. He could have his heart ripped out again.

“So?” he prompts him when Tony just wrings his hand instead of saying anything.

“I was dying,” Tony says and Sam raises an eyebrow.

“I’m gonna need a few more words here.”

“It was. It was going somewhere, there could have been something, but I was dying and I didn’t want you to suffer because of that,” Tony rushes out all at once and Sam just blinks at him for a few seconds.

“The arc reactor, it was killing me, poisoning me, and I didn’t want to put you through this. I had told myself so often that I would ask you out, but I never did and then it was just too late. You deserved better than to be settled with a dead man. And then you were just so much more than anyone who ever expressed interest in me; you were just a normal down to earth guy who did his best and I didn’t want to mess you up. There also wasn’t a chance again so I thought I would spare you this particular kind of fucked up.”

There was a lot in that statement that they would need to talk about but for now Sam decides to concentrate on the most important thing.

“I always thought I would get yet another chance to ask you out, that’s why I never did it. The timing never seemed right; I was too afraid and then Afghanistan happened to you and I thought you had too much going on, I didn’t want to bother you so I just kept my mouth shut and then you….” Sam explains before he trails off and Tony is looking with wide eyes at him.

“You wanted to?” he asks and Sam laughs softly.

“Of course I wanted to. Want to, to be honest,” Sam says with a little shrug.

When he looks at Tony again he is smiling brightly. “Well, I’m not dying now,” he says and Sam chuckles.

“And I’m not too afraid to ask you out now,” he gives back and suddenly Tony is right in front of him now.

“Good,” he breathes, before he gently kisses Sam.

Sam gets lost in the feeling of his lips, his hands on his hips, for a little while before he steps back. There was a second part to this and he will see it through this time no matter what.

“I’m ace,” he says and his voice almost doesn’t waver. “I’m not going to sleep with you, ever.”

Tony looks at him, not saying anything, and Sam can already feel his heart sinking again. He came this far and now this is, again, the deal breaker. Sometimes he wonders if he should just suck it up and not say anything, just so for once he gets to keep someone he really likes.

Before he can get too deep into that horrible spiral Tony takes his hands in his.

“Well, I hope there is going to be a lot of sleep happening, because I just so happen to like cuddling. You might get annoyed with just how much I like to cuddle,” Tony warns him with a soft smile and pulls Sam closer.

“What about kissing? Is kissing okay?” Tony asks and he seems ready to let go and step back if the answer should be no.

“Yes, kissing is absolutely okay,” Sam tells him, which earns him yet again another smile.

He might love Tony just for his smiles.

“Kisses and cuddles. I can totally work with this,” Tony declares and Sam feels a little bit drunk with happiness.

This turned out so much better than he could have ever imagined.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can always find me on my [tumblr](http://bloody-bee-tea.tumblr.com/)


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